Saving Your Relationship - How To Get Started
Bill works long hours. Beth feels like Bill is never there for her. She spends most of her time taking care of their children. So naturally Jim feels that she doesn't have time for him. How can the problems in this relationship be fixed?
Is the relationship is worth saving? While almost every relationship can be saved, both parties must decide that they really do want to stay together and make the relationship work. If one partner is already emotionally out of the relationship, the chances of saving it are very small.
We all know couples who keep a relationship together it's convenient, or who stay married "for the children". Those reasons are almost always wrong. Relationships based on convenience or on the children will always be unstable and unfulfilling for both parties. Fixing any relationship must begin with a commitment by both parties that they are willing to try to make it work.
Identify the true problems in the relationship. One of the biggest roadblocks to putting a relationship back on track are the people in the relation look at the symptoms of the problems as the causes of the problems. They're simply too close to the situation to have an objective viewpoint.
As an example, many people assume that an affair causes a relationship to end. Actually, an affair is just a symptom of deeper problems in the relationship, such as lack of intimacy. This absence of intimacy can easily cause one or both parties to stray. If the couple doesn't deal with the lack of intimacy, the relationship will remain unstable and one or both parties may continue to look elsewhere for the intimacy they need.
It is only when the couple agrees to start to deal with these core issues, that relationship healing can take place.
Only after you have put your finger on the core problems, can you begin to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. This means totally honesty between the two people involved, verbalizing true feelings and listening to each other's concerns. If you both agree, maybe even hold your partner's hand when talking and listening to each other. Be polite, mature and don't interrupt each other. Keep the conversation honest and friendly. If a topic comes up that brings up bad memories for you, try not to let it show. Remember, you're trying to put the past behind you and start fresh with a new, stronger relationship.
After you understand what has caused the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them. Run your plan by some objective and trusted friends and get their opinions. You'll find out some valuable things that you probably aren't aware of.
Now it's time to put the "action" in your action plan with concrete steps. If you don't spend as much time together as you used to, try to plan on a "together" night at least once a week. Take turns coming up with creative ideas of spending the together time.
Always remember, saving a relationship is a ongoing process, not an "event". It doesn't have a beginning and an end. If you don't consciously plan to work on the relationship continuously, you'll have laughter, but you'll also have tears because there will still be unresolved issues. You'll just be taking two steps forward and one step back.
Is your relationship worth saving? If you both answer "yes", then make an honest commitment to start getting back with your ex and work on the relationship every day.
